Monday, May 12, 2014

75% of the Time

Well, it's Monday. We had an amazing weekend which makes me homesick for my kids and Josh. I am not sure if anyone else experiences this, but sometimes when at work I get homesick to be around my family and do things like laundry. Definitely weird, but it's the truth.

Josh had one of  his annual food shows in Destin, FL, and the kids and I drove down to meet him and stay a couple of nights. We do this every year and always have a blast. This year, my mother-in-law came along. The kids love their "Bea", so they were in heaven with her there. The weather was overcast and a little rainy, but it was the perfect weather for the kids. We didn't have to worry about slathering them in sunscreen every 15 minutes. Russell hit the pool for the first time and loved it. He just floated around in a baby float. Overall, it was a much needed, relaxing time. We drove back on Sunday and had the rest of the day to relax and fall back into a routine. This trip is my Mother's Day present (We stay an extra night), and I would take the time with my family over any gift in the world!

Last night was a great night to sit outside. We watched our cat take down a giant moth. (I swear she has a 4 foot vertical!) I eventually rescued it. The weather was nice and not too humid.
In our time relaxing while the kids were in bed, Josh and I talked about the weekend, and of course, MS.

"Seventy five percent of the time. Seventy-five... that is probably the amount of time I think about having MS." Josh said this out of the blue.

I get it, and I understand. Heck, I probably think about it 50% of the time, and I am not the one with MS. Josh explained that if he was busy, MS wasn't always on his mind, but he said he will be going about his day and suddenly think, "I have MS."

I can't imagine what that is like. I mean, it consumes me, and I am not the one with MS. It is overwhelming, and I know that Josh is overwhelmed. It is painful to me to know that I really can't do much for him- just be his cheerleader and listen and let him have his moments. We talked about the importance of taking it one day at a time. One of the therapists we saw at MS boot camp said something to me that I try to remember- "We don't like to gauge your health and progress strictly by the number of lesions that you have. If you feel good and are enjoying your life, that is what matters most."

Josh also questions the person he is now with MS. Is he as happy? Is he as carefree, easy going as he once was? There are days when I think he is happier. For 6 years, there have been many times when he thought something was going on with his body and was consumed with the unknown of it but couldn't get answers.  Since he has had answers and realized what is "wrong", yes, I think he is happier than he has been as compared to the past year. But, on the flip side, having MS has taken some happiness away (the carefree happiness). I am not sure we will get it back, but I do think it is something that he and I will eventually learn to live with in a way that doesn't consume us.

Have a great Monday. I am thankful for all that I have. It is going to be a week full of soccer, gymnastics, programs, and end-of-the-year work!


No comments:

Post a Comment