Friday, August 22, 2014

So, You Want Me to Ask or Not?

Hey Y'all! It's HAAAWT! (Yes, this is what I would say to you if I saw you... I am from the South, live in Alabama, and good grief, it is HOT!) We are currently in a heat wave. Add the humidity and mosquitoes, and this is the time of year that everyone sweats regardless of the measures you take to try and look put together. Josh opened the backdoor last night to take out the trash and the humidity sucked the breath right out of me. I grew up in Mississippi... I expect this, but it still gets me every time!

Our best friends from college are coming through Birmingham on their way to the beach today. They will stop and spend the night with us tonight. I can't wait!! Dustin's parents and brothers are coming over tonight, too, which makes it even better. I feel like they are my family, too. Heck, Lindsay and I have already prearranged two marriages between their daughters and our sons. I really think it will work... I cleaned the house some last night (mainly toys:) and literally spent an hour in Anabelle's room trying to make sense of the "organizing" she did in her closet. (AKA shoving everything in the right side and praying the door closes.) I laugh and tell people that I clean so no one really knows how we really live:)

My friend Elizabeth had her first oncologist appointment yesterday. I thought about her so much. Last night, I struggled with texting her or calling, because I really wanted to know how everything went. I didn't, though. I felt like it was her "call" on sharing the information she learned on her time. I can remember going to appointments with my parents and with Josh and just being exhausted- physically and mentally. The build- up for the appointments paired with all of the information you receive can just be overwhelming and sometimes the last thing you want to do is repeat it and explain it to others. I used to think that was selfish to not be more open to sharing right away, but now I totally get it. I actually started several texts to her, but I just couldn't hit send. I was teetering on the "I just want her to know that I am concerned and truly interested in what happened today" versus "I respect her space and want her to share when she feels comfortable."

When people are sick or have a disease, when should you ask them about it? Do they want you to ask them? Or do they want to avoid it and just feel normal without sickness always being the topic?
Josh and I have family members and friends that ask me about him vs. asking him about his MS. This is TOTALLY fine. But, there are times when I think Josh wonders, "Doesn't anybody care about how I am feeling? What I am going through?" I have noticed that some people have taken the- "If I don't ask, then I don't have to hear about it, and that means everything is okay." I get this. This approach helps others feel normal. But, what does it do to the person who is dealing with a sickness? With a disease? Do they feel neglected? Not very important? How would others feel if family members and friends never asked them how they feel? I think there is a fine line people walk when it comes to these questions. I struggle with it, too. Every morning I wake up and think, "I wonder how Josh feels? Does his hand have more tingling? How about his foot? Still sore?" When I get home from work, I want to ask, "How was the heat today? Still not bothering you? Did you have a good day? (MS treat you okay today?)" I don't want MS to always be the topic of our conversation, but I also want Josh to feel loved, understood, and to know that I do care, I am concerned, and I want to know. I want to share the "burden" of MS with him and not block it out.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Again, say a prayer for my friend Elizabeth-specifically that her pet scan reveals that the cancer has not spread to other parts of her body and that she has positive receptors on the last test they are waiting on.


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