Making plans has turned into somewhat of a comical thing for me. I think I first realized this when my parents died. As much as anyone wants to plan, there are some things that you can't plan for. These things usually wreck whatever you did have planned, and well, usually you are left to live in the moment and just survive day to day.
I was leaving Publix yesterday when I sort of laughed out loud in the parking lot. I am sure someone probably saw me and thought I was kooky. Thinking about it now, I really don't care much about what people think anymore. I have 3 kids, a full-time job, and enough family extracurricular activities to send somebody to the loony bin. Add about 9 loads of laundry a week to that, and you pretty much can understand why other people's opinions can be pointless. Back to the laughing... Jack had to be picked up early from school yesterday. He complained about not feeling well and kept saying he was going to throw up. The biggest red flag was when he wouldn't eat his lunch. Josh called me very upset. NOT because he was having to pick up Jack, (poor guy couldn't help it) but because of all days/weekends, he had plans. One of our best friends, Keith, was coming to stay a few nights with us then fly home to the Bahamas. (Yes- the Bahamas... as if you need something to be jealous of:) Jack's sick episode was really cramping our plans. The thought of all of these plans we had made that were about to come crashing down due to a 3 year old's tummy ache just made me laugh. At what point am I ever going to realize that trying to make plans is ultimately pointless?
I had a flashback to when Russ was born. We had been there 2 times before... it was going to be like clock-work. Get induced, have the baby,stay for a night or two, then come home. Somewhere in there, we would probably send out the standard text/email stating that Russell is here! Mom and baby are doing great! I envisioned taking him for walks once we were home and wandering aimlessly around Target with a giant Starbucks just to see what it felt like to be "that" mom. (Nothing against "those moms"... I just can't imagine that being my life everyday. Seems kinda empty.) Just the opposite happened. My amniotic fluid was low, baby's lips were turning blue, people rushing in and out, NICU, machines, tests, hole in lung, de-sats, breaths per minute, no touching, 17 days of looking and praying, IVs... these were things I didn't plan on. In the end, everything was okay. But the plans I made were essentially a joke. Instead of strolling around Target, I had a little boy fighting for his life.
In the middle of all of that, I also had a husband suffering from an MS attack. Hazy eyes, tingling, weakness, eye doctor, eye specialist, glasses, fatigue, depression, scared. At the time, we weren't sure what was going on, and frankly, we didn't really have time for it. We had PLANS... plans to get Russell out of the NICU, sell our house, get back into a routine. Just another example of how making plans can turn out to be a pointless effort.
Well, we had plans to attend our family reunion during Memorial Day weekend. It is really no secret to anyone close to us that I have been having some issues. Kidney infection in September, tummy pain, scans, and gallbladder issues in November, still having tummy pains/tush issues- colonoscopy in March, cramping and tummy pain now. My doctor thinks I have endometriosis. If you read about it, if I do have it, a lot of what I have been going through can be a result of endometriosis. As a result, I have to have laparoscopic surgery to determine the extent and to also do a procedure to help stop it. 1. This means I can't have anymore children. No big deal for us- we are "done" anyway. Being blessed with 3 little angels makes this easy to digest. I even told someone the other day that the newborn smell doesn't get to me anymore. Newborn babies have a smell that is intoxicating. Really, if you still want to have children, it is like a drug. I experienced that smell the other day, and I wasn't even phased. I was surprised and kinda pumped that I was able to walk away and not want another baby. Really, if you are a woman and can do this, I think it is somewhat of an accomplishment. 2. I am going to have to make time for myself to have surgery and recover. I gave them several dates that would work for surgery. Only one of them worked with the doctor and the hospital. Guess what? Memorial Day plans are busted. Am I surprised. Nope. After all the plans I have tried to make, I am not surprised. I will be having outpatient surgery the last day of school. I will work in the morning, then head over to the hospital. We are paying someone to pick up the kids from school and take care of them until we get home that night. The only time for my surgery is 12:00 noon, and I probably won't be home until dark. They will be fine, I will be fine. It will take a few days for me to recover, but hopefully I can get some relief.
As for plans... to heck with them. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. Josh didn't plan to have MS, I didn't plan to have surgery. Heck, we didn't plan to have Russell, and look how great that turned out:)