I sometimes wonder how many questions I answer a day. I teach school so questions are a crucial aspect of my day. I really enjoy answering my students' questions. I also like to ask my students lots of questions. We have 3 children 5 and under. I really think that 90% of our conversations revolve around constant questioning. Why? What is that? Can I...? Will you...? Are we...? For the most part, the answers are pretty cut and dry. BUT...
Some questions aren't easily answered. "Daddy, if we do the lemonade stand for MS will we make enough money to fix you?" "Daddy, do you still have MS?" Mommy, do they have medicine for Daddy yet?" "Mommy, do I need to talk quietly so I don't hurt Daddy's MS?" These questions are the hard ones. How do you make a 5 year old understand that "fixing" something is currently not an option? I wish that MS was not a part of Anabelle, Jack, or Russell's life. Oh man, I would give anything if it wasn't in our life. MS is forcing me to answer questions that are hard. MS is causing our family to deal with things that are hard. MS has stolen some of my sweet baby girl's innocence.
I recently sent a text to one of my best friend's from church that said, "Hey! Is everything okay?" After seeing a post on her Facebook page that read along the lines of- "Hey Liz! I am praying hard for you." I began to panic a little. I thought maybe someone had passed away. It wasn't until we pulled in the driveway and I checked her Facebook that I knew something was wrong. You know, like the feeling you get in your gut-- something is wrong. My friend had posted a Caring Bridge link to her page. I began to cry which triggered a question-"Mommy, why are you crying?" I forget sometimes that little eyes are always watching. After clicking on the link, I read that my friend has breast cancer. Yes, the ugliest, most cruel word to me- cancer. It was my turn to question. Why? Why? Why! Why her? Why now? She is in the prime of her life with two little ones. She had an awesome promotion at work. She is giving and selfless of her time. WHY?
And then the questions from Anabelle. "What's wrong?" "Is Ms. Elizabeth okay?" "Are we still playing with them this weekend." Again with the hard questions! Sometimes the questions are too much. And just another testament to her amazing attitude and love for others, her first response to me was- "I am so sorry you found out this way... I know how many feelings it brings up for you." See- always thinking of others before herself.
My faith teaches me not to question, but trust. I just finished a conversation with a co-worker whose husband has progressive MS. He is scheduled for an extremely risky surgery next week. I bet I asked at least 10 questions. After returning to my classroom, I felt like a not so good friend. I bet she could have done without all of the questions from me. I feel like whether you are a caregiver or a person with MS, you have to learn not to question sometimes. With MS, as it stands, many of the questions just don't have answers.
I can assure that 8 months from now, I will be posting that my sweet friend beat cancer. I will not question this, only trust and have faith...
Happy Friday! Don't ask questions! Just rest, relax, and enjoy yourself!